So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
