Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
