And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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