If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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