I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
