She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
