I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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