cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
