I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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