The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
