Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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