She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it glows. i had to have it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
