that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
