The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
