hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
