you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
