Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
