I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
