So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
