so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
