I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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