i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
