I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
