Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
