I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
