Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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