Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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