I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
