dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
