mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
