Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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