Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
