I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
