allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
