I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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