My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
