sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
