god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
