It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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