My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
how does that bad decision feel?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
