nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
please come you make the beer taste better
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
