you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
