My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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