Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
