I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
