please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
