i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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