hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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