No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
