im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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