it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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