the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Randomize
