I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
