Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
